If at first you don't succeed...

Stop trying to fool me. Some kids just don't get it. Time and time again, they are in my office, telling me of a new ache or injury, and time and time again, I poke every hole I can in their story. 

At the Institution, school is taken very seriously, and I make a great effort there to not let anyone go home. (The principal's office is within earshot of mine, which helps fuel my efforts.) A frequent flyer came in at lunch complaining of knee pain, saying he "popped" it. Tip #1 to students: act like I'm watching you even when you think I'm not. The student had walked into my office limp-free, which I observed while he thought I was typing away at my desk. He said it happened three hours ago during first period; I explained he would not be walking on a dislocated knee for three hours. 

I told him I'd give him an ice pack and he could sit in my office for the remainder of lunch. The student protested, saying he didn't think an ice pack would fix it. Tip #2: If you're a frequent flyer, accept what I give you. The student then went on to complain that his knee hurt when he stretched it or sat down on the ground in PE. I replied that it was a good thing then that he was already done with PE and would be sitting in a desk for the rest of the day. He finally took the hint, and when the bell rang, he gave me a sad look and feigned a debilitating limp on his way out of my office. Another student who had been in with us serving lunch detention turned to me with wide eyes and said, "Ma'am, he wasn't walking like that when he came in." Tip #3: Perfect your acting skills before trying to use them on me. You know it's bad when another student is snickering at your futile efforts to dupe the school nurse.