Dear Parent:

From all my favorite parental encounters, I've been compiling a list of helpful tips for parents. I'm not one myself, but these all seem as though they should be common sense for anyone responsible for a child. 

1. If your child has an allergy, let the nurse know to what, and what kind of reaction. Do not yell at the nurse for interrupting your day when she calls to clarify an allergy that you listed on the emergency card.

2. If your child has epilepsy, be able to tell the nurse what kind of seizures she has and what medication she is on. If you can't even venture a guess to either of those things, you're probably not in a position to tell me I don't have the experience required to care for your daughter.

3. When you fill out the emergency card, actually fill it out. If you take the time to write down emergency contacts, don't give the same single phone number for every contact. If you don't keep up-to-date phone numbers and emergency contacts, don't go complaining to the office that the nurse didn't call you; I can't leave a message if the phone number has been disconnected.

4. Don't send your child to school just to get rid of them for the day. Some examples of good, excusable reasons for keeping your child home are a 102 degree fever or a scalp covered in live lice.

5. Monkey see, monkey do. Don't come to the office screaming and slapping your child when you have to pick him up after he's bullied too many kids, and then wonder where he learned such behavior. Take a look in the mirror.

6. If your child has asthma, bring an inhaler to keep in the office. If for some reason you're too lazy, incompetent, or have some legitimate reason for not doing so, you better have a phone with which the school can reach you at all times, and you better not venture outside a five minute radius from the school. Whatever you do, do not be the parent that I hear arguing with their child about not wanting to bring the inhaler in when you're sitting on your butt watching daytime soap operas at home while your child is having trouble breathing. Please take it from someone who needs one: just bring the inhaler in, preferably before it is needed.

In the words of a license plate holder, "I'm a nurse. I'm trained to save your a**, not kiss it." Chew on that before chewing me out; it may very well be I'm taking better care of your kid than you are.

I've only been at work for a couple of hours and have had my patience tested by the kids "working on their tests" in my office (i.e. purposefully annoying the heck out of the nurse) and had my hand on the phone for a 911 call for an asthma attack when mom arrived just in time. Thank goodness for minimum days!